Top 3 Realizations You Must Know Before Dating Korean Women!

Back by popular demand. This is a guest post by BlueM. You can find his newest ebook here.

I’ll get straight to the point.

If you’re coming to Korea and want a serious relationship with a Korean woman, think twice!

Contrary to what many clueless people say: dating or getting seriously involved with a Korean woman, isn’t easy at all. In fact it can be downright frustrating no matter how much you love each other!

I’ve been living in South Korea for more than 3 years, going on dozens of dates and then dating many Korean women not because I wanted to, but because of I had no other choice: I’m a foreigner.

I’ll explain.

I’ve read books about the country, am learning the language, and have helped both foreigners and Koreans with their dating lives. These are my conclusions:

Korea has some of the most beautiful and fun women in the world, but if you want to have a serious relationship with them in Korea you need to understand and accept a few things.

You need to understand that dating a foreigner is still seen as taboo here. On top of that, you’re going to have communication barriers beyond just language. Finally, you need to ask yourself how long you plan on living in Korea and if it’s worth it at all!

Dating a foreigner is still taboo!

When it comes to relationships, the only difference between dating in North Korea and South Korea is that both countries have different governments (Not that I’ve tried anything in North Korea! 😉 )

In spite of the “integration” that’s been happening in South Korea’s tourism industry, a Korean woman dating a foreign man is frowned upon and a woman’s peers assume that she is unable to find a proper Korean man so she has to settle for a foreigner.

I’m sorry, but that’s how it is in Korea. I told you, this is going to be brutal, but if you plan on coming here, I want you to know what I wish someone had told me. I want you to know just what you’re facing so that you won’t be as disappointed as I have been countless times.

To add to the fire, foreigners are harshly misrepresented in the Korean media, especially English Teachers. The standard viewpoint of English Teachers is that they’re “losers back home” who can’t get a proper job.  Armed with their fake degrees, they’ll come to Korea to make more money than they’re worth in the marketplace, or to spread AIDS with everyone who’s wearing a skirt.

I hate to say it, but foreigners will never be a part of Korean society as we know it: harmonious, functional, “pure”…

Discover the 3 main choices Korean women make!

So what happens? Korean women either:

a/ choose to go overseas and don’t tell their peers about their relationship(s) with foreigners
b/ choose to have a fling (or two) with foreigners just to satisfy a curiosity
c/ choose to go against their peers and thus against Korean society

When my Korean friends go overseas for the first time, I warn them. I tell them that they will not be the same person when they come back.

Like flying fish that jump out of the water for the first time, they will know that there is more to life than the society in which they grew up in (as for anyone leaving their native surroundings for the first time!)

Some of my Korean friends liked travelling so much that they never really came back. Their bodies might be back in Korea, but their minds and imagination is still overseas.

Choice (b) is very common in Korea. Now with an influx of foreign foods, goods, and people, both men and women are “sampling” foreigners to satisfy their curiosity.

This has hurt me the most. Many times I have had women leave our relationship simply because they never saw it as anything serious anyway (Not that there’s anything really wrong with that.)

Korean women are starting to explore their sexuality (which is great news) but they would not consider a serious relationship with a foreigner because of the reasons I talk about here.

For the last choice, Korean women must seriously consider what their peers will think of them. They have to deal with the stares that they’ll be getting on the street, in the subway, when they try to introduce you to their families.  Not to mention the barrage of questions they’ll be getting such as “Is he just another English Teacher?” or “Wasn’t he on T.V. For raping so and so?”

Note: I’m not even speaking for the foreigners who aren’t Westerners. If you’re from developing countries or aren’t white, then get ready to deal with worse than what I’m talking about here!

If you’re in Korea, you’ll have to accept the fact that some old man (adjoshi) might chase you down , yelling obscenities at your girlfriend just because she is with you. Sure, this is rare, but I’ve had it happen and have heard about it happen to too many friends to ignore it.

Just a few months ago, this article came out. Times are changing but are they changing fast enough so that your Korean girlfriend can feel comfortable enough to just walk with you?

Communication issues

Dating someone from another culture is challenging not only because of the ‘language problem’. You also have to understand and accept that the other person has other values and beliefs too! For Korean women, they hold values and beliefs that their society and culture have given them ever since they were little girls.

For one thing, many Korean women have the fears that I’ve talked about earlier.You also need to understand that in general Korean society tends to value:

–  harmony more than justice
–  the group more than the individual
–  conformity more than independence
–  silence more than sound
–  not being seen as wrong more than being right
–  social status more than the person who has it

These differences in values are what frustrates foreigners the most both in sexual and non-sexual relationships (you can read more about Korean dating values by clicking on the link.)  If you plan on coming to Korea and what to date Korean women, you need to understand that in most cases, what they value and seek out of a relationship is different than what you might expect from your home country…radically different!

We’re not even talking about the language barrier yet. So imagine you are attracted to a Korean woman, and she is attracted to you. The fact of the matter is, if you can’t communicate with her then building anything ‘long term’ will be difficult, if not impossible.

Sure, you can get involved, and even have a relationship started, but eventually she and you will want to talk about deeper things and feelings. Not only that, but you will both have different expectations in your relationship.

Foreigners aren’t in Korea forever

Finally, you need to ask yourself one question: Is South Korea a place you plan on settling in or not?
Many foreigners choose to leave after a taste of Korea and that makes locals conclude that foreigners aren’t in Korea for the long term.

Many Korean women don’t want to get emotionally involved with a foreigner because somewhere in their mind, they figure that the foreigner will leave sooner or later.

What about you? Are you planning on making Korea a place to live in? Or are you just passing by? If you’ve just come to Korea, then don’t worry about this question. You’ll have plenty of time during your stay here to ask yourself that.

The reason why I pose this question to you because you have to be honest with both yourself and with the women you’re with. I personally believe that if you’re not planning on staying here for more than a year, then just have fun and enjoy your time here (just don’t lie to the women you’re with! 😉 )

Know what you’re dealing with and stay aware!

If you’re like me, and you’re seriously considering getting involved with a Korean woman, then understand the obstacles and roadblocks you’ll facing and start looking for that diamond in the rough!

Sure, my experience is that of a typical guy in his late-twenties living in Seoul. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to be a pessimist. In fact I believe that if you’re willing to accept these facts (with an emphasis on “accept”) you can find ways around it. Many people have and are both in happy relationships and happily married in Korea.

I’m also not saying that there aren’t valid reasons for the circumstances we face. Too many foreigners have been careless and foolish here. Too many Koreans got hurt and they don’t want others to suffer the same fate. That’s why I’ve chosen to share my thoughts with you and prepare you for this wonderful country with it’s own wonders and challenges.

Thanks for reading!  For more Korean women dating tips click on the link for more!


  • David

    In 2010 this might have been the case but

    Korea has changed a lot. I suggest you take this down since its current value is ZERO and wholly misguided. Doing an updated piece is another option.

  • Jake Stone

    @ David – actually, in spite of being 5 years old as of 2015, the above article is spot-on. Having lived here for 2 years and been in a committed relationship with a local girl for 1, I can personally bear witness to the views and comments espoused by Koreans as mentioned in this article.

    If anything, the situation has worsened a great deal. After the 2008 US financial Crisis, foreigners came over here in droves. As such, the two worst things that a male can say is that he is an American English Teacher. Stating that you work in a public school or university (as opposed to a private academy) might slightly lessen the sting in people’s ears due to the perceived higher prestige of such institutions, but not by much.

    In regard to getting a Korean partner, here is my advice: if you’re an educated, fit (not fat), and physically attractive white American, Canadian, or British woman, you will be highly valued by whatever man you’re with. Korean men are generally known for either being total wimps or douche-bags (no middle-ground), but they will treat you far better than their local girls because here, you’re “exotic.” Your job is irrelevant, as being a housewife is not shunned upon by society, and the best position that 99% of professionally-minded women here can achieve is being a public school teacher.

    Women of color – I’m sorry to say that you’re experiences will vary widely based purely upon how physically stunning and “Korean-minded” you are. If you have the looks of a model and love all things “Korea”, society MIGHT treat you with some respect.

    If you’re a guy, either be explicit in your intent to just screw around (married women are your best bet if morals aren’t an issue – nearly EVERYONE here is unfaithful after marriage – and married women are constantly “looking for adventure”), or go into a relationship with a plan for making something of yourself here or back home in order to support your future wife. Once again – there is no middle ground. Dating to “see how things turn out” is not an option in Korea.

    Paul – thanks for your awesome article – still true after 5 years!

  • jake Harods

    The article is like a curate’s egg. good in parts, Time is finite so I shan’t waste it all here.

    Status is everywhere including UK. Why do people brag about postcode, job, school. Nothing wrong there unless you lack it. Never bothered me.

    They are not all like. The article did not take personal circumstances into account plu sthe fact that some of these English teachers won’t be in employment of any sort in their

    Any educated, fit and purposeful person of any colour will get joy in Korea. I know it

  • Kpop

    This article is spot on. It may seem hard to believe to people who grew up in more multi cultural countries but think Victorian values. I have had my wives friends send her youtube of an “English teachers being beaten unconscious in China for attempted assault on an Asian girl, I was like that is very kind of your friends to send you that and think of me. Her family have disowned her and this is not that uncommon. Other Korean friends of her have faced what in the west would be considered KKK fascist attitudes from educated middle class parents. It ain’t no joke. If you are not white or from a developing country then good luck as you likely to face worst, people seem obsessed with developing or developed country people, like the individual actually runs the government. Having said that Korean women are kind, loyal and sweet. But as your man said Korean society is extremely racist when it comes to dating.

  • metalmonkey

    hey! English teachers in fact ARE losers back home. but non english speaking foreigners are cool. unfortunately we all get put in the same bunch as the english teaching drunkards.

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  • drained

    Korean women are extremely clingy and controlling be forewarned. Once you have sex with them they will latch on to your face like a giant squid and smother you to death if you don’t demand immediate distance after blowing your load all over their face.

  • Absolute J

    I’ve watched my American teacher friend date Korean women. You are right about the clingy part. As soon as he has sex with them they start acting like they are married. They bring over all their personal hygiene products and leave it in the bathroom to stake their claim. They also are a little nuts. They complain if he doesn’t spend enough money on them, but when he tries to disagree with them they immediately start claiming he is “acting crazy”. It’s partly his fault though, he cooks and cleans and does everything for them to make them feel special so they get hooked — since I’m sure a Korean guy is not dumb enough to do everything for them. I think it’s just that the guys here are not used to getting laid so easily so they fail to see the obvious. Sooner or later they end up married…and then quickly divorced. Also, what is it with Korean women screaming at the top of their lungs during sex like it’s an adult movie? I can’t believe guys can’t tell its fake! LOL.