Back by popular demand. This is a guest post by BlueM. You can find his newest ebook here.
I’ll get straight to the point.
If you’re coming to Korea and want a serious relationship with a Korean woman, think twice!
Contrary to what many clueless people say: dating or getting seriously involved with a Korean woman, isn’t easy at all. In fact it can be downright frustrating no matter how much you love each other!
I’ve been living in South Korea for more than 3 years, going on dozens of dates and then dating many Korean women not because I wanted to, but because of I had no other choice: I’m a foreigner.
I’ve read books about the country, am learning the language, and have helped both foreigners and Koreans with their dating lives. These are my conclusions:
Korea has some of the most beautiful and fun women in the world, but if you want to have a serious relationship with them in Korea you need to understand and accept a few things.
You need to understand that dating a foreigner is still seen as taboo here. On top of that, you’re going to have communication barriers beyond just language. Finally, you need to ask yourself how long you plan on living in Korea and if it’s worth it at all!
Dating a foreigner is still taboo!
When it comes to relationships, the only difference between dating in North Korea and South Korea is that both countries have different governments (Not that I’ve tried anything in North Korea! 😉 )
In spite of the “integration” that’s been happening in South Korea’s tourism industry, a Korean woman dating a foreign man is frowned upon and a woman’s peers assume that she is unable to find a proper Korean man so she has to settle for a foreigner.
I’m sorry, but that’s how it is in Korea. I told you, this is going to be brutal, but if you plan on coming here, I want you to know what I wish someone had told me. I want you to know just what you’re facing so that you won’t be as disappointed as I have been countless times.
To add to the fire, foreigners are harshly misrepresented in the Korean media, especially English Teachers. The standard viewpoint of English Teachers is that they’re “losers back home” who can’t get a proper job. Armed with their fake degrees, they’ll come to Korea to make more money than they’re worth in the marketplace, or to spread AIDS with everyone who’s wearing a skirt.
I hate to say it, but foreigners will never be a part of Korean society as we know it: harmonious, functional, “pure”…
Discover the 3 main choices Korean women make!
So what happens? Korean women either:
a/ choose to go overseas and don’t tell their peers about their relationship(s) with foreigners
b/ choose to have a fling (or two) with foreigners just to satisfy a curiosity
c/ choose to go against their peers and thus against Korean society
When my Korean friends go overseas for the first time, I warn them. I tell them that they will not be the same person when they come back.
Like flying fish that jump out of the water for the first time, they will know that there is more to life than the society in which they grew up in (as for anyone leaving their native surroundings for the first time!)
Some of my Korean friends liked travelling so much that they never really came back. Their bodies might be back in Korea, but their minds and imagination is still overseas.
Choice (b) is very common in Korea. Now with an influx of foreign foods, goods, and people, both men and women are “sampling” foreigners to satisfy their curiosity.
This has hurt me the most. Many times I have had women leave our relationship simply because they never saw it as anything serious anyway (Not that there’s anything really wrong with that.)
Korean women are starting to explore their sexuality (which is great news) but they would not consider a serious relationship with a foreigner because of the reasons I talk about here.
For the last choice, Korean women must seriously consider what their peers will think of them. They have to deal with the stares that they’ll be getting on the street, in the subway, when they try to introduce you to their families. Not to mention the barrage of questions they’ll be getting such as “Is he just another English Teacher?” or “Wasn’t he on T.V. For raping so and so?”
Note: I’m not even speaking for the foreigners who aren’t Westerners. If you’re from developing countries or aren’t white, then get ready to deal with worse than what I’m talking about here!
If you’re in Korea, you’ll have to accept the fact that some old man (adjoshi) might chase you down , yelling obscenities at your girlfriend just because she is with you. Sure, this is rare, but I’ve had it happen and have heard about it happen to too many friends to ignore it.
Just a few months ago, this article came out. Times are changing but are they changing fast enough so that your Korean girlfriend can feel comfortable enough to just walk with you?
Dating someone from another culture is challenging not only because of the ‘language problem’. You also have to understand and accept that the other person has other values and beliefs too! For Korean women, they hold values and beliefs that their society and culture have given them ever since they were little girls.
For one thing, many Korean women have the fears that I’ve talked about earlier.You also need to understand that in general Korean society tends to value:
– harmony more than justice
– the group more than the individual
– conformity more than independence
– silence more than sound
– not being seen as wrong more than being right
– social status more than the person who has it
These differences in values are what frustrates foreigners the most both in sexual and non-sexual relationships (you can read more about Korean dating values by clicking on the link.) If you plan on coming to Korea and what to date Korean women, you need to understand that in most cases, what they value and seek out of a relationship is different than what you might expect from your home country…radically different!
We’re not even talking about the language barrier yet. So imagine you are attracted to a Korean woman, and she is attracted to you. The fact of the matter is, if you can’t communicate with her then building anything ‘long term’ will be difficult, if not impossible.
Sure, you can get involved, and even have a relationship started, but eventually she and you will want to talk about deeper things and feelings. Not only that, but you will both have different expectations in your relationship.
Foreigners aren’t in Korea forever
Finally, you need to ask yourself one question: Is South Korea a place you plan on settling in or not?
Many foreigners choose to leave after a taste of Korea and that makes locals conclude that foreigners aren’t in Korea for the long term.
Many Korean women don’t want to get emotionally involved with a foreigner because somewhere in their mind, they figure that the foreigner will leave sooner or later.
What about you? Are you planning on making Korea a place to live in? Or are you just passing by? If you’ve just come to Korea, then don’t worry about this question. You’ll have plenty of time during your stay here to ask yourself that.
The reason why I pose this question to you because you have to be honest with both yourself and with the women you’re with. I personally believe that if you’re not planning on staying here for more than a year, then just have fun and enjoy your time here (just don’t lie to the women you’re with! 😉 )
Know what you’re dealing with and stay aware!
If you’re like me, and you’re seriously considering getting involved with a Korean woman, then understand the obstacles and roadblocks you’ll facing and start looking for that diamond in the rough!
Sure, my experience is that of a typical guy in his late-twenties living in Seoul. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to be a pessimist. In fact I believe that if you’re willing to accept these facts (with an emphasis on “accept”) you can find ways around it. Many people have and are both in happy relationships and happily married in Korea.
I’m also not saying that there aren’t valid reasons for the circumstances we face. Too many foreigners have been careless and foolish here. Too many Koreans got hurt and they don’t want others to suffer the same fate. That’s why I’ve chosen to share my thoughts with you and prepare you for this wonderful country with it’s own wonders and challenges.
Thanks for reading! For more Korean women dating tips click on the link for more!