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Top 3 Realizations You Must Know Before Dating Korean Women!

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Back by popular demand. This is a guest post by BlueM. You can find his newest ebook here.

I’ll get straight to the point.

If you’re coming to Korea and want a serious relationship with a Korean woman, think twice!

Contrary to what many clueless people say: dating or getting seriously involved with a Korean woman, isn’t easy at all. In fact it can be downright frustrating no matter how much you love each other!

I’ve been living in South Korea for more than 3 years, going on dozens of dates and then dating many Korean women not because I wanted to, but because of I had no other choice: I’m a foreigner.

I’ll explain.

I’ve read books about the country, am learning the language, and have helped both foreigners and Koreans with their dating lives. These are my conclusions:

Korea has some of the most beautiful and fun women in the world, but if you want to have a serious relationship with them in Korea you need to understand and accept a few things.

You need to understand that dating a foreigner is still seen as taboo here. On top of that, you’re going to have communication barriers beyond just language. Finally, you need to ask yourself how long you plan on living in Korea and if it’s worth it at all!

Dating a foreigner is still taboo!

When it comes to relationships, the only difference between dating in North Korea and South Korea is that both countries have different governments (Not that I’ve tried anything in North Korea! 😉 )

In spite of the “integration” that’s been happening in South Korea’s tourism industry, a Korean woman dating a foreign man is frowned upon and a woman’s peers assume that she is unable to find a proper Korean man so she has to settle for a foreigner.

I’m sorry, but that’s how it is in Korea. I told you, this is going to be brutal, but if you plan on coming here, I want you to know what I wish someone had told me. I want you to know just what you’re facing so that you won’t be as disappointed as I have been countless times.

To add to the fire, foreigners are harshly misrepresented in the Korean media, especially English Teachers. The standard viewpoint of English Teachers is that they’re “losers back home” who can’t get a proper job.  Armed with their fake degrees, they’ll come to Korea to make more money than they’re worth in the marketplace, or to spread AIDS with everyone who’s wearing a skirt.

I hate to say it, but foreigners will never be a part of Korean society as we know it: harmonious, functional, “pure”…

Discover the 3 main choices Korean women make!

So what happens? Korean women either:

a/ choose to go overseas and don’t tell their peers about their relationship(s) with foreigners
b/ choose to have a fling (or two) with foreigners just to satisfy a curiosity
c/ choose to go against their peers and thus against Korean society

When my Korean friends go overseas for the first time, I warn them. I tell them that they will not be the same person when they come back.

Like flying fish that jump out of the water for the first time, they will know that there is more to life than the society in which they grew up in (as for anyone leaving their native surroundings for the first time!)

Some of my Korean friends liked travelling so much that they never really came back. Their bodies might be back in Korea, but their minds and imagination is still overseas.

Choice (b) is very common in Korea. Now with an influx of foreign foods, goods, and people, both men and women are “sampling” foreigners to satisfy their curiosity.

This has hurt me the most. Many times I have had women leave our relationship simply because they never saw it as anything serious anyway (Not that there’s anything really wrong with that.)

Korean women are starting to explore their sexuality (which is great news) but they would not consider a serious relationship with a foreigner because of the reasons I talk about here.

For the last choice, Korean women must seriously consider what their peers will think of them. They have to deal with the stares that they’ll be getting on the street, in the subway, when they try to introduce you to their families.  Not to mention the barrage of questions they’ll be getting such as “Is he just another English Teacher?” or “Wasn’t he on T.V. For raping so and so?”

Note: I’m not even speaking for the foreigners who aren’t Westerners. If you’re from developing countries or aren’t white, then get ready to deal with worse than what I’m talking about here!

If you’re in Korea, you’ll have to accept the fact that some old man (adjoshi) might chase you down , yelling obscenities at your girlfriend just because she is with you. Sure, this is rare, but I’ve had it happen and have heard about it happen to too many friends to ignore it.

Just a few months ago, this article came out. Times are changing but are they changing fast enough so that your Korean girlfriend can feel comfortable enough to just walk with you?

Communication issues

Dating someone from another culture is challenging not only because of the ‘language problem’. You also have to understand and accept that the other person has other values and beliefs too! For Korean women, they hold values and beliefs that their society and culture have given them ever since they were little girls.

For one thing, many Korean women have the fears that I’ve talked about earlier.You also need to understand that in general Korean society tends to value:

–  harmony more than justice
–  the group more than the individual
–  conformity more than independence
–  silence more than sound
–  not being seen as wrong more than being right
–  social status more than the person who has it

These differences in values are what frustrates foreigners the most both in sexual and non-sexual relationships (you can read more about Korean dating values by clicking on the link.)  If you plan on coming to Korea and what to date Korean women, you need to understand that in most cases, what they value and seek out of a relationship is different than what you might expect from your home country…radically different!

We’re not even talking about the language barrier yet. So imagine you are attracted to a Korean woman, and she is attracted to you. The fact of the matter is, if you can’t communicate with her then building anything ‘long term’ will be difficult, if not impossible.

Sure, you can get involved, and even have a relationship started, but eventually she and you will want to talk about deeper things and feelings. Not only that, but you will both have different expectations in your relationship.

Foreigners aren’t in Korea forever

Finally, you need to ask yourself one question: Is South Korea a place you plan on settling in or not?
Many foreigners choose to leave after a taste of Korea and that makes locals conclude that foreigners aren’t in Korea for the long term.

Many Korean women don’t want to get emotionally involved with a foreigner because somewhere in their mind, they figure that the foreigner will leave sooner or later.

What about you? Are you planning on making Korea a place to live in? Or are you just passing by? If you’ve just come to Korea, then don’t worry about this question. You’ll have plenty of time during your stay here to ask yourself that.

The reason why I pose this question to you because you have to be honest with both yourself and with the women you’re with. I personally believe that if you’re not planning on staying here for more than a year, then just have fun and enjoy your time here (just don’t lie to the women you’re with! 😉 )

Know what you’re dealing with and stay aware!

If you’re like me, and you’re seriously considering getting involved with a Korean woman, then understand the obstacles and roadblocks you’ll facing and start looking for that diamond in the rough!

Sure, my experience is that of a typical guy in his late-twenties living in Seoul. Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to be a pessimist. In fact I believe that if you’re willing to accept these facts (with an emphasis on “accept”) you can find ways around it. Many people have and are both in happy relationships and happily married in Korea.

I’m also not saying that there aren’t valid reasons for the circumstances we face. Too many foreigners have been careless and foolish here. Too many Koreans got hurt and they don’t want others to suffer the same fate. That’s why I’ve chosen to share my thoughts with you and prepare you for this wonderful country with it’s own wonders and challenges.

Thanks for reading!  For more Korean women dating tips click on the link for more!

BlueM

Top 5 mistakes that Foreign guys make when meeting and dating Korean women

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This is a guest post by Dan Bloom With AsiaDatingTips.com.

song ju gyeong

Living in Korea is very challenging. Even more so, building a life is even more work, especially a dating life.

Unfortunately, foreigners who come here make big mistakes when it comes to meeting and dating Korean women. In fact, I’ve taken the time to write down what I’ve found to be the biggest mistakes that foreign men make, during years of living in Korea and professionally helping men date Asian women.

#5 Thinking that Korean women are easy
Before I came to Korea, I was very excited because I imagined that Korea was a lot like South East Asia: Just show up and women will be lining up to go on dates with you!

Ahem.

Korea, I soon found out once I arrived here, is on the opposite side of the dating spectrum. In fact, I’ll even say that foreigners have more hurdles to go through in Korea than anywhere else in Asia. This is especially true the darker you are. What can I say? Life’s tough for us (I’m darker skinned as well) but if you really want to find and date the ideal Korean woman for you, it’s definitely possible and we’ll make it happen!

#4 Forgetting that the East and the West are different

It doesn’t take long to figure out that Western women and Korean women look different. What does take an eternity for guys to figure out is that Western and Korean women think, act, and do different!

This is more than just about the women themselves, but also the society and culture in which they’ve grown up in.

Korean women think that the man is responsible for escalating the date into something more. Therefor they won’t necessarily give you any sign, clue, hint, or impression that they want you to escalate the interaction. If they find you not wanting to hold their hand, caress their hair, or even kiss them, they will assume that you are not interested, and will move on.

Another key note is that Korean women love knowing that they have control of the date. This is quite different from Western women who enjoy being on the saddle more and feeling like they are taking control of the interaction. So they will act like they don’t like things more, will throw comments about your choices, BUT ultimately they want you to be in control and are more comfortable with it as well.

Also, Korean culture is quite the land mine. Have you hung out with Korean women? How about co-workers? Do you get the stares? Sometimes. How about those moments when you don’t get the stares?

She’s getting them. Big time.

Now I won’t get into the ‘whys’ or the “it shouldn’t be that way” debates. I will get into how they need to be considered when you’re going out with a Korean woman. For them, being looked at negatively by an adjoshi (which means ‘uncle’ in Korean) who could be her own father with whom she’s probably living with, is painful.

You see, being with a foreigner is still very new and different for her, regardless of whether or not you’re a gyopo or not. You want to calibrate how much hand-holding, touching, and especially kissing when you’re with her.

This is even stronger for when you’re approaching a random woman at the bookstore, or coffee shop or even the subway. You want to assume that she will be shocked and even frightened when you are going up to talk to her. Even more so, you want to expect that she will feel uncomfortable with the situation. Be sure to calibrate how you’re talking to her based off of that, and make sure that she feels comfortable with talking to you first, before you escalate the interaction.

#3 Don’t take advantage of that first impression
Ever wondered why Italians and French were so successful at scoring dates with American or Canadian women? It’s because they take advantage of the first impression.
Have you ever met an Italian man? To other men, they look like a typical guy with dark features, a weird accent, a slightly aggressive vibe, and an edgy look. What do they look like to women? An adventure…
Unfortunately, when I ride the subway, take the bus, hang out in Itaewon I see too many foreigners who look the same! They don’t have a ‘look’ going for them. They look like English teachers who just got off of work and are about to go to a bar. In other words, they look generic. They remind me more of the typical businessman adjosshi than the exciting and mysterious foreigner.
Foreigners are seen as different and exotic., Then how about using that to our advantage? Take a step back and look at how you can separate yourself from the rest of the foreigners out here. How can you make yourself look different than the rest of us?
Think about your hobbies, passions, ethnicity, home country, and find your image that radiates from who you are.
Gyopos! This is even more important for you because otherwise you will just come across as an English-Speaking Korean. The reason why most Gyopos tend to be treated like Koreans who want to be foreigners is because they come across as Koreans who want to be foreigners. You need to make your distinction even stronger.
For example, I’m from Texas, am learning Korean as a hobby, and have lived in the Mediterranean. When I go out, I tend to wear a cowboy hat, a T-shirt with Hangul in it, and leave a rugged look, similar to an Italians’. Do you think that I stand out? You bet! Do women come up to me and start conversations with me? You bet! Am I different from the rest of the pack? You bet!
Show your unique self more aggressively, and allow that to make women and people, curious about who you are and wanting to learn more…

#2 Not wanting to learn about their world
One thing that just gets be cringing is how many foreigners I meet who have lived here for years and know nothing about the culture besides Chuseok and Chinese New Years vacation! Most foreigners here don’t even speak basic Korean! Most foreigners don’t even bother trying!
Think about it. Imagine foreigners coming to your home country and not speaking the language. Not even bothering to! This is a big mistake!

Learning Korean is one of the BEST things you can do for yourself even if you’re only staying here for a month! You see, it’s not that you speak the language that counts, it’s that you’re willing to learn about them and their world. This gets you lots of points when it comes to meeting and dating Korean women. I mean even reading Hangul was designed to be easy! And what a great skill to have when you go back home and share your adventures with your social circle.

#1 Not going out at all!
This is THE biggest mistake I see guys make, and yet it’s the easiest one to deal with. Most foreigners who come here choose to go from work or school to their homes and only go out to go shopping!

Granted, this might be because it’s intimidating to be a foreigner in this country, or they might have kept the habit from their home country.

Whatever the reason, this habit must go! And you don’t have to go to Hongdae, high-priced clubs or massive social events.
You can go to coffee shops, bookstores, parks (during this time of year it’s great), such as Namsan park. Personally, I like coffee shops as Korea has become a coffee-drinking country, which I am happy to see.

Thanks for reading my article and if you want to discover more then feel free to check out my other Korean women dating tips.  Simply click on the link.

Image by KRWonder.

English Magazines in Korea

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10magazine

I like pretty pictures and glossy paper. That’s why I enjoy the expatriate magazines in English in Korea. Most of them are free but some you have to pay for.

Here’s a list and their prospective websites in alphabetical order.

10 Magazine – Probably one of the highest quality magazines out there. You also have to pay for it. Free online after registration.

Eloquence – They don’t seem to have a website, but their quality has stepped up

Groove Magazine – This is your average party magazine with a lots of random information and things to do in Korea. You can read this online.

Seoul Travel and Culture – Also a very high quality magazine. It’s filled with the more cultured side of Korea. You can read this one online.

Things to do in Korea: 002 Go to a PC Bang (PC방)

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PC BangStar Craft anyone? A PC Bang is an internet café that a lot of Korean students use today.  You’ll find them all over Seoul and all of Korea for that matter. If you ever see the letters “P” and “C” you can bet your Kimchi that its a PC Bang. You can go there to access the internet and play computer games.

Be careful with your sensitive information like credit card and banking information. You can’t trust all PC Bangs to have high quality security.

One more thing to note is that a lot of them have tons of smoking area. If you’re a smoker you’ll feel right at home. However, for those of us who dislike the smell newer PC Bangs have non-smoking sections. Although, sometimes you can still smell smoke on your clothes when you leave.

Where: Essentially everywhere in Korea

How Much: Most of the time 1,000 won, however there are new “luxury” PC Bangs that cost more.

Photo: http://flickr.com/photos/gwire/